Begin Again

I want to say a couple of things about Begin Again.

I have no reason to believe that John Carney, the writer and director of this movie, has any religious intent or motivation for his work, but for me, the movie was intensely spiritual, giving a vision of what life looks like where God rules.

Carney's movie is about two people who are "starting over" or beginning again with their lives. Two musicians, very human and confused, flawed, both loving and not, mixed motives, proud but so devastated by the consequences of their decisions that they are open to new possibilities, end up giving everything to make their music in the streets of New York.  They are on a mission: in spite of their evident failures and disappointments, they want to be original and create something beautiful that will in some way enrich others' lives.

For me, Begin Again is more than just a tale about two people "moving on" to new challenges, new loves, new locales, etc. It offers a vision of life that is worth living - worth it to both ourselves and to those with whom we interact. Here's the vision: we just give. Out of our gifts, in the middle of the messiness and confusion of our lives, we give everything we are and everything we got to our holy work. In other words, we are both true to God's creative gifting and to his mission to bless the nations, to nurture and provide the environment for all his people  to flourish.

And in the end, the music is beautiful and it is all His.

Celebrating the fourth of July

July 4, 2014

This is how Denise and I celebrated the USA's birthday:

1. Went for a walk on the greenbelt. (Use your imagination - this is SMU campus)

2. Worked in the yard

3. Ate barbecue at

4. Took homemade blueberry pie and coffee over to mom and dad's and visited with them.

5. Watched Begin Again with Kiera Knightley and Mark Ruffalo.

6. Ran about 3 miles
7. Had Scandanavian Crisp Bread and peanut butter and watermelon for supper.

8. Read a little while listening to the illegal fireworks going off in the neighborhood.

9. Thanked God for another great day.

New school, new snow

It took me twice as long as normal to drive to Commerce yesterday on the first day of class. Couldn't take a picture on the way, but here is one taken from my building, the Hall of Languages.

What surprised me about myself was my willingness to drive I30 for 60 miles in icy conditions for class. When I was at DC, I was always eager to get an unanticipated day off!

My memories are good even if my memory is bad

A friend of mine was describing a friend of his as "pushing 60."

I am pushing 60, I thought.

I am pushing 60, have a bad memory, and am working on my Phd, I thought further.

People ask me if it's stressful.

"Not if you can't remember" is my answer.

The thing about having an unreliable memory is I keep Denise laughing - when she is not wanting to clobber me.

It also means that we save a lot of money on entertainment. I have already figured out that when I retire, for entertainment I can buy 10 movies and watch them over and over again, each new watching as if for the first time, as glorious as the one before.

Living in Ivory Towers

I think that I have written before that I miss DC a lot, but at the same time I am excited about what it means to be an ambassador for Christ in the academic world. Relying on the Holy Spirit, I get to announce the presence of God and the kingship of Jesus in a university setting. For me, this does not mean that I preach sermons. In my opinion, I am "in Athens" but it is an Athens that is very familiar with "the unknown god." Unfortunately, this "familiarity" has bred contempt, because the familiarity has been based on a caricature of Jesus, not Jesus himself. So for me, the thing that I get to do is  to love and appreciate the people who do not know Christ - yet. It also means that I have the opportunity to challenge the presumptions and arguments of scholars who maintain that God does not exist, and that the only reality and knowledge is what we agree on.

One of the things I get to do is to write in online forums about things we are reading in the classes that I take. Here is an example of one of my entries. Initially, it concerns a premise of Peter Singer, an influential, atheistic author of The Life You Can Save, who says that  it helps the poor to give to aid agencies. The last part deals with Jesus' teaching that you should not give out of wrong motives. Singer's response to that teaching is: "Does it really matter as long as the poor get help?"  (I have omitted anything that has to do with fellow students to protect their privacy):

I have been reading Singer's argument with great interest for several reasons: 1. I know that he is a professor of philosophy who is well known for his stance on animal life, infanticide, euthanasia, and zoophilia. 2. I am sympathetic with what I see as his main argument, "We ought to do more to help the "desperately poor."
........

The premise that I have the most trouble with on p. 15 is the first part of the third: "By donating to aid agencies you can prevent suffering and death from lack of food, shelter, and medical care.... " I would like for it to be true that the money I give will help, but I need to be convinced that what these agencies are doing are making a difference. For example, it was interesting to me to read Singer's account of the boy with measles, an argument from pathos (p.16). It made me think of an incident that I was involved in. About a year ago I was in western Ghana. While I was there I went to see a man that I knew in the village of Ateiku. While visiting him, I met his sister who was sitting in a room softly moaning. She had been sitting there for a week with a broken femur. In Ateiku, there are no doctors, no phones, no 911, and no ambulance service. This family, like virtually every other family in Ateiku, has no car to go to the hospital that is a two-hour drive away. It would take about $200 American dollars to pay for transportation and treatment. The family has no access to this kind of cash. This lady was looking forward to living the rest of her life in that room.

Singer says, "You know that it would be curable, if only you could afford to take your child to the hospital" (p. 16). Maybe I am missing something here, but I wonder if Singer knows what he is talking about? I don't think any agency exists that overcomes the lack of infrastructure, the lack of communication, the lack of knowledge, the lack of medical personnel, as well as the lack of money to help provide medical assistance for the desperately poor who live throughout Africa.

One place where Singer's materialist presumptions leads him to misinterpret an argument is when he argues that Jesus was misguided when he advised people not to look for recognition - that is, to have egotistical, power-seeking motives - in their giving to the poor. Singer asks, "But does this really matter?" (p.65). I think that it matters a great deal. For one thing, there is the issue of the harm that occurs to others when manipulation and self-interest are in play in the act of giving (think Foucault and power plays). But as to Jesus' assumptions, his first concern is not how much cash there is to distribute to the poor. It seems that his first concern is what is good for the soul of the giver. Jesus is always interested in the soul, i.e., the essence of who we are. ("What good does it do for a person to gain the whole world and lose his soul, and what will a man give in exchange for his soul?") Jesus is interested in keeping the badly motivated person from ultimately destroying who s/he is. This way of thinking, of course, reflects a spiritual view of humanity that is simply not on Singer's radar.

Most of the time, I do not get the opportunity to deal so directly with anything having to do with Jesus. However, I am always, it seems, dealing with worldviews that reflect materialistic presumptions. I have posted this to give you an idea of what it is like. Please keep praying for me that I can be used "to put Jesus on the radar" for all those I love who have written him off.

DC Partnership (Just like Old Times)

We don't go out much, but due to Denise's sweet sister, Yvonne, we went to Dallas Christian School Partnership Dinner last night. I did not get to see as many people as I wanted to, but it was great to get and talk at least a little with several that I know from DC: Kristi England, Ted Emrich, Jay Green, Choo Freeman, the Witherspoon sisters and their dad, Gary Witherspoon.

Here is the thing that I know about myself. What I love about teaching is getting to know other people. I really do delight in them. Admittedly, if you have a student who is conning you (or they think that they are), you are not very "delighted." But for the most part, it is a beautiful thing to be able to help someone in at least a small way and at the same time get to know them. I consider this God's work, because, ultimately, it is about love: sharing, serving, delighting in, and knowing each other. This is why it brings me so much joy to see the people that I taught and worked with at DC. Of course, I still get to do this in my work at Texas A&M-Commerce and Richland College, and I love it because so many of my students and colleagues are not Christians. Keep praying for me about this!

We heard Richard and Yvonne speak; they received the Servant Award. I love their humility and their sincere wish to serve God. They have touched so many lives with the love and grace of Christ. We also heard Colt McCoy speak. He was a great choice for the dinner. He strikes me as such a genuine guy, and I wish him all the success in the world. What he had to say about servant leadership was good and I hope that it made an impact on the DC students that were there, and all the rest of us for that matter. As long as he is playing for the Cleveland Browns, I guess I will be pulling for them.

Two questions I get asked

When I am asked if I miss DC, my first thought is "I am too busy to miss it" - but that is not the whole truth. Do I miss DC? Sure I do.  Whenever I see one of my former students or colleagues, I am immediately filled with joy. It makes me happy to see them. I miss getting to interact with them and knowing them better. I will especially miss not taking students on mission trips or to service projects and seeing them grow "right before my eyes." And I especially miss the people there who shared with me an incredible passion to serve God in that place and at that time.

But I don't mope for DC. I am busy, and I love what I am doing now. I have a new group of students that I am working with at both Commerce and Richland. I love getting to interact with them and to know them. And my doctoral classes keep me engaged and help me with my work. But none of this doesn't mean I don't miss the people at DC. There live, work and play some of the best people in the world - both students and adults.

Here is the second question I am sometimes asked:  "Do you know how things are going at DC?" I don't feel qualified to answer. I don't sit and talk or phone and chat with anyone there. This is an institution question. Even when you are working there, it is always a difficult question to answer. What exactly is being asked? How is the system, how is the community there as a whole?  Or what is teacher morale? Student morale? Academic achievement? Financial status? The spiritual focus of administration and faculty? Of the students? And, by the way, how do you measure any of it?

So, here is my answer: God bless all the people who serve at Dallas Christian School whether student, staff or parent. I pray that their eyes be open to the Lord Jesus in everything that they do, that they realize their place in the kingdom, serving kids, families, and the world that others ignore. If they will do that, their light will always shine and they will be doing quite well, thank-you-very-much.

Speaking of Purpose at DC

Seeing my ex-colleagues from DC and having the opportunity to speak to them was encouraging to me. Not only was it fun to see everyone and do some "catching up," it was a moment of reflection for me as I thought about how we still share the same passion for ministry even though the arenas for our work are different now. I wanted to encourage them with a couple of basic ideas that have helped me have a day-to-day understanding of my purpose in my life and work - whether the work was at DC or at the United States Post Office. My intent was that they could be reminded of their high calling at Dallas Christian. (In my other blog, "Since I Don's Preach," I am writing what is essentially, a two-part summary of the talk).

I think that in times of change, somethings need to stay firm and solid - like our purpose. Also, I think that our purpose in life should inform our purpose in the workplace. What anchors me in life and work comes from a scriptural understanding of God's purposes, his gifts and who I am.

So, I am wondering what is your purpose? How does your understanding of your purpose inform what you do on the job as well as your everyday activities?

First Christmas Post-DC

Christmas was a lot of fun this year for me. We had all the girls and their families at our house on Christmas Day - and this year, family included Kendall's boyfriend, Kevin, who was able to spend a few days with us over the holidays. We ate lots, talked and laughed a lot, and even got in a game of touch football. We also had Christmas two more times, once with my side of the family and another with Denise's side.

One major change this year was prompted on our part by our "new start" (which = less money!). We spent about the same amount of money on our grandkids as any other year, but we really cut back on gifts to our daughters and our son-in-laws. Instead, we made gifts for each other. From my point of view, this made for a Christmas that was especially significant.

For a long time I have felt like I have not really expressed what I feel for my kids through the gifts I have bought them. I know that all of us appreciate a "nice" gifts: money, gift cards, books, clothes, technology, etc. Things can be treasured as gifts that have been given as "signs" or "symbols"of love. But I think that when I purchase something or give money as a gift, I can do it almost without thought. When I make a gift, I can't help but think about it: I spend more time thinking about the person I am gifting as I decide on what to create and as I create it.

The girls made us and each other wonderful, beautiful gifts. They had some talents that we did not know about! For our part, Denise decoupaged art work for them using materials that had special significance for each family. I wrote poems for the girls and the son-in-laws and made a Ken Burns-style film using still photos where I tried to capture what we mean to each other.

Here is the poem I wrote for the girls. I am guessing that most moms and dads feel the same way about their kids.

5 Daughter Gift

When I was a young father                                                                                                                                                                  
Busy and Important
Someone told me that children were a gift
We don’t own them
They are just passing through                                      
And I thought that this was true
But it seemed at least a little
Strange.
A gift?

You were so entangled with every minute of our days
Changing your diapers
Making your dinners
Feeding you, dressing you, correcting you, laughing at you and with you.
Getting frustrated and happy and sad
Making “big” plans and small ones
Watching with wonder as you grew
Filled with delight
Scared to death
We lived our lives with you.
Isn’t that more than a gift?
                                                                                                                                                                                       
I still think it is more                         
It is certainly not less.
Now we see you
Full and complete
Living loving struggling
Laughing sighing
Overcoming
At home
At work
At play

But we remember
Each memory a photograph
HD moments that sign
Places moods
Events activities
People who have come and gone.
And you are there
Immovable eternal
Filling our hearts
Making a universe with your presence

You are gifts
Gifts we could have never asked for
Glories we never imagined.

Time for Grandkids

One great thing about teaching at college is the long winter break. Gives you more time for grandkids! I kept three of ours on Monday and Tuesday with a Monday night sleepover. We had a blast, but I kept feeling like it was Friday night once they went home - wonder why?

I am completely taken by all my grandkids: they are bright, beautiful and completely lovable even when they are annoying, self-centered or loud. If you have grandchildren, I am sure that you know what I mean.

I even like them when I know that they are manipulating me. One of them always will tell me, "You're the best Pops" when I do something she likes. When I start getting a lot of those comments, I always take it as a bad sign. I am probably creating problems for her parents.

I love talking with them, hearing their inner thoughts. One of them told me that she likes salt, that she put lots of salt - too much salt - on her chips, and her parents will tell her not to do that. She said that she replies, "Well, what makes you think that you can tell me how much salt to use?" - but she only says that "in her head, because that would be mean, and they might give me a spanking."

First Full Semester

It's been a while. I thought that it could happen - so much reading and writing to do for my classes, I would have to stop writing regularly in this blog about our new start. But now I am looking at an extended break and it feels good.

I ended up teaching four classes, two at Texas A&M-Commerce (freshman comp) and two at Richland (ESOL Reading and Listening/Speaking). I ended up only taking two classes, General Linguistics and Teaching College Writing. I am disappointed that I did not do at least 9 hours, but at a certain point early in the semester, I became convinced that it would not be a good decision to continue to take three classes. Just not enough hours in the day. What made it difficult was that I was teaching three preps, each one new to me. Next semester, I think that the time demands for teaching will not be as great and I will be able to complete 9 hours: I will only have two preps, I will have a few weeks to prepare for my classes (unlike last semester when I was given the job days before classes began), I have taught one of the classes before, and I have a better feel for what it is like to teach writing to college freshmen. (Am I trying to convince myself?)

Denise, as is her nature, has been hugely supportive, never complaining about how often I am gone. And when I am here, I'm not. I am sitting in my chair or at the kitchen table reading, writing, studying and preparing for classes. When she fell in love with me and agreed to marry me, did she realize what a bad deal that she was getting herself into?

The Perils of Jogging, Part 2

On Sunday morning I decided to run a route that would take me back to the street where I fell. This time I went running after the sun had come up. I wanted to get a look at where I fell on Friday to see if I could tell where it had happened.

What I saw was a street that was full of cracks, There were so many of them that I could not tell which one I had stumbled over. What amazed me was that I had made it as far as I had without falling. The street surface really was not a good place to run on in the dark.

As I ran home, I thanked God for being with me on my run that day. Now that I had seen the street in the light of day, I realized that things could have been a lot worse.

I begin to think of how much I have been blessed by God. I have been incredibly blessed every step of my way.

I wonder if the same thing isn't true for you. Haven't there been times when you have believed that things have gone pretty badly? I bet, though, that if you could see things in the light of day - like I saw that street surface - you would realize how fortunate you really are.

The Perils of Jogging, Part 1

I knew that during the next few years, it would be especially tempting to stop exercising. I have classes to study for dealing with subjects that I have never attempted, classes to teach in subjects that I have not taught in over 20 years, long-term projects (writing for academic publications and dissertation) and short-term projects (writing papers for classes and academic forums), and, like many of you, I have the same demands on time of a family man, a homeowner and a disciple of Christ. In that mix of time that makes up my day, I knew that exercising regularly needed to become a priority, or I simply would stop doing it. 

And then came the heat.

So every other day, I have been running in the morning before the sun comes up. On alternate days I ride a stationary bike. This has worked out fairly well. I have been working up to 4 miles a morning twice a week and on the third run for the week, 6 miles. 

Then came the Fall.

Because it is dark, I try to always run on the sidewalk or, when there is not a sidewalk, the street. Admittedly, this involves some degree of hazard, but it tends to keep me awake and alert at 5: 30 in the morning. This past week I was running in a street that flanks our neighborhood. When I heard cars coming up behind me, I jumped up on the median in stride, a perfect running machine :) When the cars passed, I jumped back into the street. Almost as soon as I hit the pavement again, sweat drops streamed into my eyes. As I continued to run in the dark in the street, I took the bottom of my shirt and lifted it to my face to wipe the sweat out of my eyes. One millisecond after doing this, I was flying to the ground, hitting hard on my right elbow, rolling over to my hip, and in the process, banging my knee and ankle on the concrete. 

It happened so fast that I was completely caught off guard. WHAT (just happened)? HOW (did it happen whatever happened)? WHAT (is going on)? Somewhere lurking behind all these questions was WHY (did this happen)?

Although in moments I am prone to immediately ask God, WHY is this happening to me? This was not a time where I made this a discussion point with God. I jumped up quickly - lying in the middle of the street in the dark is not where I wanted to be. I was still a mile or so away from the house, so I knew it would be best to keep running home.

This morning I returned to the scene of the crime. 

Blessings and Looking Ahead

My first summer session at Richland is over. This has been a great experience. I love working with these students who are facing so many hardships and are trying so hard to better their English so that they can get better jobs, provide for their families and make their homes here.

During the fall semester I will be teaching two classes at Richland, two at Texas A&M - Commerce and taking 9 hours toward in the doctorate program. I was asked this week by one of my professors to work through grant funding received from the National Endowment Fund for the Humanities as a Graduate Research Assistant. It was a great honor to be asked but I had to tell her that "my plate was full."

Jehovah Jireh.

New Gig at Texas A&M-Commerce

I have been offered a teaching assistantship at Texas A&M-Commerce. I took it. As you must know, it is a very glamorous job, teaching Composition to enthused freshman:)

I am glad to have the work, the experience and to be able to work with college students at a time in their lives where they may be more open to God's nudging. I know that sometimes college students are so completely into themselves that they can't see anything beyond the next party, but I also know that when the party stops, sometimes, sometimes, the thinking begins. I pray that God can use me then.

Staring Overly Long at the Honey

The man in the grocery aisle staring overly long at the honey containers - that's probably me. We have to try and save money on our food bill. Now, how much was the honey per oz. at Kroger compared to Aldi compared to Target? These are the questions of the day. (Ok, maybe we shouldn't be considering honey in the first place, but it is our home remedy for allergies. If you are saying that is a old wife's tale, just imagine me as Billy Crystal in The Princess Bride with my hands over my ears, screaming out, "I'M NOT LISTENING, I'M NOT LISTENING!")

We are trying to discover what works best for us with regard to buying groceries, meaning good, wholesome and with the least expense necessary. For us, good means buy organic when possible, fresh fruit and vegetables will still be staples, and everything else is up for discussion.

We have found some really good deals at Aldi. I bought a pint of blueberries (nonorganic) for $0.99, a loaf of whole grain bread for $.69 and the big container of their brand of Quick Oats for $1.99. Sometimes at Kroger we can take advantage of their specials to buy items we like at an excellent discount. Other times, for specific items we see that WalMart or Target is consistently cheaper.

I know that Blake and other financial gurus say that we should just buy what we need for the week (or two weeks or month, etc, depending on how well you plan in advance I guess). We try to take advantage of stock-up specials, though, believing that it will pay off in the long run. Is our thinking flawed?

What about you? What are the ways that you have "gone cheap"? I really would like to know what you have found to be the best bargains with regard to laundry and dishwasher detergent, soaps, etc.

Remembering Teen Wolf

There is a scene in Teen Wolf where the Michael Fox character is bemoaning his lack of coolness or lack of popularity or his ordinariness (it's been a long time since I have seen it), and he says something like, "I get $8 haircuts," meaning that his haircuts aren't very good. This was a shock to my system, something that I had never considered. I remember wondering at the time, how would a more expensive haircut look better?

I still don't have an answer to that question, but I think I have discovered another haircut fact. You may be able to tell when someone has gotten a $0 haircut.

I wish all barbers well, but I really don't like spending money on haircuts. As part of our money savings campaign, I made a $35 investment and bought an Norelco electric hair razor, promoted as a "do-it-yourself" appliance. This may not have been a good move. I cut my hair on my own a few weeks ago and now that it is growing out a bit, I think I am seeing how irregularly I must have cut it. Or am I? Any self-cut hair experiences out there?

If I were younger none of this would not be a problem. I would just continue to grow my hair and become a teen wolf myself.

Jesus Dreams and Losing Everything

She waited outside the classroom door after class. Salma (I am not using her real name) is from the Middle East, an intelligent, friendly, confident woman. I saw her standing in the hallway and greeted her, unsure if she was waiting on me (I was the last one to leave the classroom) or if, maybe, she was waiting for someone else.

She was waiting for me. She returned my greeting, then almost immediately, began to tell me her story, starting with this attention-grabber: "Jesus came to me in a dream." Several years ago I had read in a Christianity Today article that there were reports of Muslim who were seeing Jesus in their dreams. My daughter, Kourtney, who worked in Guinea, a West African Muslim country had told us that there were Muslims there who reported the same thing.

After this startling announcement, Salma told me the rest of the story in her broken English. She was a rich woman in her home country, married to a prominent man. For years she had been attracted to Christ and his message of love. She had read the Koran extensively and was repulsed by the emphasis on violence that she saw there. On the other hand, when she had read the message of Jesus, she was drawn to him in a very deep way. In the end, she could not resist him. 

After telling her husband that she was now a Christian, her husband threatened to turn her into the police, which meant that she would be sentenced to death. Salma took the threats seriously, fled the country with one suitcase in hand, and after a journey that took her to several different countries, she had ended up here in the United States where she is seeking asylum. At this time she has no contact with her children. She must not. Salma is convinced that to do so would jeopardize their lives and the family who has taken her in.

As Salma told me her story, full of joy and loss and sorrow, I kept staring into her face, trying to comprehend what she was going through, amazed at this biblical-like account of sacrifice that was here before me. Her sacrifice for Christ reached every part of her existence: she has lost family, friends, security, possessions and country. But she has gained Christ. And she knows him deeply in a way that I don't.

After my conversation with Salma, it is a little more difficult to worry if the Rangers are going to win their next ball game or if the Mavericks will play again this year. Salma shows me that there are more important concerns to fill my heart and mind.

Starting Over: Changes You Don't Want

Starting Over: Changes You Don't Want: "This morning I will be going to Richland to teach my ESOL Reading class. Denise will be going to work, then to the funeral of our dear frien..."

Changes You Don't Want

This morning I will be going to Richland to teach my ESOL Reading class. Denise will be going to work, then to the funeral of our dear friend, Lyndle "Rich" Wilcox.

There are some changes you embrace. Teaching international students at Richland is part of a change that allows me to be God's servant to those who don't know Christ. I am so happy and so blessed to have this new ministry.

But there are some changes that you hate, that you never want to see, even if you believe, like I do, that God works for the good for all those who love Him.

And did Lyndle ever love Him! And she loved me, and she loved Denise, and she loved her family, and if she knew you, she loved you. She was a force of nature. Or better, she was a force of God who had learned early on to take everything she was and everything that she was given and turn it to love.

We met Lyndle in the early-mid70s. We were all apart of a circle of friends, most of whom were part of the Hawn Freeway church of Christ,  centered around a love of God and love for each other. My first and lasting impression of Lyndle was that here was a humble yet vibrant witness to Christ's love.

Denise and I were beneficiaries of that love. Lyndle shared her life and her biscuits with us, babysat our children, prayed and praised with us in tiny apartments and big church buildings. As time passed and Denise and I moved around the country, then around the world, Lyndle kept in touch with us. The last we communicated was on June 30 - July 1 when we exchanged facebook messages, saying that we needed to get together. We will.

Lyndle loved her brother Dale and her niece, Jamie, and her nephew, Daniel. She was the kind of sister and aunt that everyone wants to have - loving, forgiving, playful and wise. She would have made a fantastic grandmother. But most of all, she loved Rick, the husband that God sent her. How much I know that it grieved her that she and Rick, at first, could not share that love with children, but, then, God blessed them with Angel and Zera.

God will bless Rick, Angel and Zera. I know that He will. From the foundations of eternity, he gave them Christ. A few years ago, he gave them Lyndle. He will not leave them without blessing now.

I know that this change is a good thing for Lyndle, and I am truly happy for her.  But I really don't want to live in a world without her. So, I keep telling myself, it will not always be this way. 

Maranatha. Lord come quickly!